Social Intelligence
Social Intelligence versus Emotional Intelligence
He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.
Benjamin Franklin
Social Intelligence involves group regulation. It is how the group expresses inclusive values that activate diverse individuals to contribute productively to its larger purpose. It is popularly defined as ‘The ability to get along well with others and to get them to cooperate with you’.
For example, allowing someone to help you will likely result in them helping you again, whereas obliging someone to help you will likely result in them begrudging assistance and may even cause them to resist.
Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.
Rabbi Joshua L. Liebman
Emotional Intelligence involves self-regulation or self-control. It is how the individual assimilates into the group. It is popularly defined as ‘The ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you.’
For example, limiting ego-centric motives for the sake of larger group values is how the Individual fits into the group.
Both competencies have to do with our mental life—perceiving, understanding, and regulating associated feelings. And both competencies have to do with our motivations. But Social Intelligence has to do with external experience whereas Emotional Intelligence has to do with inner experience:
What happens when these two competencies are out of sync?
When Social Intelligence is out of sync with Emotional Intelligence, our competencies create cognitive dissonance, leading to motivational conflict. When this occurs, the group’s norms can feel like an imposition of values, making us feel psychologically unsafe, to which we negatively react.
When our competencies are out of sync we feel Pressure-to-be-Silent to conform to the group’s social norms. If I am required to exert self-control in order to conform to those norms I am likely to exhaust my competency for Emotional Intelligence and therefore become impulsive. In other words, when Social Intelligence is out of sync with Emotional Intelligence, our motivations become conflicted and risk an explosive backlash that can cause the group to dissolve into opposing tribes.
In fact, recent studies have shown that having mixed emotions in daily life was associated with poorer psychological well-being and increased burnout.
